Be True to Yourself

 The Holiday season is really a special time for so many of us. And we get wrapped up in activities and busyness that takes our focus away from other important aspects of our lives like working on our career direction to ensure the New Year starts off positively. 

When talking to clients about their career decisions, I sometimes hear … “Well, I’m so darned busy, I can’t think of all that now,” or “No one’s doing anything now, so I’ll get in gear after the New Year.”  Granted, there is a lot of activity around this season, but try finding some time for reflection. If you don’t make that batch of chocolate pecan cookies, who’s really going to complain! I’m not counting kids here.

I came across an excerpt from a book by Bronnie Ware, a palliative care specialist, about the top 5 regrets people have when they are dying. Below is the most common regret …

“I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” 

There’s an old saying that life’s a banquet and most poor souls never make it past the salad bar!  It might be interesting to consider what your unfulfilled dreams are now while you’re still able to make choices rather than living others’ choices for you. There are many reasons why we make choices, but one significant reason is because we fear making the wrong decision.

Early influences from family and others can impact our choices, so much so that we never consider our own inner voice, our inner yearnings.  Take a few moments in the early morning or before going to bed to jot down some thoughts. What messages did you receive when you were young, either from family, relatives, or teachers. My mother always wanted to be a nurse, but the War derailed her plansShe thought early on I should be a nurse. “It was secure” she would tell me. Two weeks as a CandyStriper (hospital volunteer) was all I needed to convince me the nursing profession would be grateful I never applied. Whose dreams are you trying to live? Whose messages or voices are you following today. One of my clients said his financial security issues were a result of his mother’s obsession with never having enough. He grew up constantly focused on making ‘enough’ money. (No surprise, he never made what he considered was enough.) I asked if his mother ever became impoverished. He told me she lived well, but she died early of heart disease probably related to stress. We stay stuck when we make decisions based on others’ expectations of us.

Here’s a story to illustrate:

You’ve been given a life altering opportunity which will lead to happiness and success…..on one condition.  You must make it to a specific place and at a specific time. You leave in plenty of time. While crossing a bridge, you meet up with a stranger. After a short greeting, he asks you to hold one end of a rope. He holds the other end. You agree and wrap the rope around your arm at which point the stranger jumps. Stunned, you look over to see a deep gorge and the stranger suspended clinging to the rope.
You quickly tire and insist the man climb back up. The man refuses to make any moves shouting “My life is in your hands. I will not climb up, and if I die my death will be your fault.”  After a considerable amount of time, you become incredibly fatigued holding this rope and realize no one has come along to help. Once again, you beg the stranger to start climbing up. Still, the stranger makes no moves. You realize you can either stay indefinitely holding on to the rope or miss your life-altering opportunity. You again beg the stranger to climb up knowing you have given every opportunity to help save him. You lean over and say goodbye dropping the rope. You pick up your pack and continue on your journey.

Message:

Don’t get roped in. Don’t let others dictate what is best for you. It does take some courage and a tad bit of self-esteem to focus and act on what you truly want – not what others want for us. The correct choice is always a bit frightening, but also life altering!