What was I thinking! Years back, I took a position selling air freight services to businesses. I had been through a layoff and was willing to take whatever I could get quickly. I was calling on shipping and traffic managers – the guys who worked in the warehouses surrounded by forklifts and naked ladies on wall calendars. It was fair to say I hated my job! I truly was not in the right environment; yet, I did nothing to improve my situation. “Hey, a job’s a job” I told myself. I wouldn’t allow myself to consider solutions to my dilemma and I viewed another job search as being way too stressful.
On one particular day I was running late for my last appointment with a prospective customer. I hadn’t prepared and was going to rely on my ability to ‘wing it’. I just wanted to get to the end of the day. When I arrived I had to wait standing in the hallway for half an hour; I knew this was retribution for my tardiness. When we started our meeting, he caustically blurted out “So, why should I buy from you?” After a short while, I told him it was obvious he wasn’t going to buy from me and left. I was fuming, to say the least, angry at both myself and the prospect.
While walking to my car, four young men in a parked car whistled, and one said “My, you’re looking mighty fine today.” I burst into tears shocking us all! I realized at that moment how my stress and anxiety was significantly impacting me. In retrospect, my refusal to deal with stress colored my attitude, my decisions, and my ability to move forward. My overwhelmed state was blinding me to other opportunities while a change to something new was what I desperately needed.
How are you handling the anxiety from your job or your job search? Are you putting it on the back burner hoping the situation will resolve itself? Are you reconciling yourself to your situation as I did? Are you completely overwhelmed and don’t know how to get back to neutral. The following are three suggestions to help you to climb out of that hole you’re in.
1. Recognize your anxiety. You can’t necessarily stop anxiety from showing up; but you can lessen its grip on you. Simply the act of recognizing you are in fear’s hold will start to release the grip. What you must do next is state out loud what it is you are experiencing; in other words, name it. In my example, I was angry I had taken this position, and my anger was keeping me from either performing at my best or taking steps to move forward. I could have said out loud, “I’m angry at my circumstance, and my anger is stopping me from focusing on a solution.” When we state aloud what our anxiety is, we take away its power.
2. Stay in the present. When I hear clients say “I’m so overwhelmed and I can’t focus,” I know they are having difficulty staying in the present moment. Oftentimes, we place too much focus on past mistakes or future disappointments, thus stopping the ability to be in the present. If you think, “I’m going to be doing this day after day,” you’re exaggerating the awfulness of your situation.
Here’s a way to break the pattern. Try this exercise from Dr. Neil Fiore. Start a journal. Choose three of your most stressful feelings. Write down your biggest concern and visualize yourself in that situation. Close your eyes and identify what’s happening to your body and mind. Notice how you talk to yourself. Don’t make any judgments. Just stay with the discomfort. When you choose to stay with an anxiety you’ve been avoiding, your inborn flight-or-fight response will shut off. You will feel calmer, have more energy and focus. Try it!
3. Make a daily ‘for me’ list. There’s no way I’m suggesting that controlling anxiety is an easy two-step process. It can linger, especially if you don’t claim it. Taking time daily to take care of yourself will reap rewards well beyond what you might expect. Write down activities that give you energy. Here are some examples: journal writing, meditation, laugh, exercise (you knew that one was coming), organize your space, or help someone else. The idea is to create positive activities which will break the hold on your anxiety.
Whatever it is you do, just get started— positive action will start to promote a positive attitude. We all know attitude is everything. So, what are you waiting for!
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