Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Is your current position causing you to stay up at night wondering whether you should stay or leave? You worry about leaving but staying is driving you right up the wall! Let me tell you about my client, Connie …

When I asked how she ended up in a position she was totally unsuited for, Connie replied “It seemed like a good idea at the time.” Connie, an investment banker, started her career in banking because it paid well. Now she was on a fast track moving up. Yet, Connie was burned out and found herself working to the bone fearful of losing out to younger competition in her firm. Her personal life was almost non existent; she could barely remember the last time she and her husband had a meal together. She came to me asking “Should I stay or should I leave?”

Whether you find yourself in this predicament now or experienced this in your previous job, I’ve outlined some steps you should consider. Before you jump into action, a common response to frustration, think about how you got where you are in the first place. Taking a longer range perspective will save you from making the same mistake again.

Let’s take a look at possible situations. See if you recognize yourself …

Situation #1 – You defaulted into your work as a …teacher, librarian, sales person, engineer, etc.

Robert did well in school and good grades weren’t much of a challenge. So, he went to college and went on to get an advanced degree because, well, he had the grades. Actually, Robert was multi-talented and simply liked learning. Recruiters grabbed him up even before he completed his master’s program. Robert never took the time to consider what he wanted to do. He defaulted to what others thought he should do. Now he’s bored and unmotivated.

Solution: Taking a position because you know you can do the work is one way people get stuck. Working is more than using your aptitudes and skills. While they certainly are an important ingredient, they won’t make the whole enchilada. Start with what motivates you—what is it you really desire; what is it that gives you energy. That’s where the secret sauce lies. Ask yourself “If I had all the time in the world, what would I do?” You don’t have to come up with a new title (in fact, you don’t want to), just focus on the activities you’d be performing.

Situation #2 – Your work life is killing your personal life

Courtney works for a fast-growing engineering firm, pulls down a very cushy salary and looks forward to the day she can cash out her stock options. In the meantime, she works for an incompetent, insecure boss who makes her life a living hell. She’s given up her hobbies and rarely sees her friends. She’s neglected her health. Courtney has put her life on hold for the sake of a job. Granted, there are times when it makes sense to postpone you life for a little while. However, to continue for extensive periods can lead to disaster and despair.

Solution: There aren’t any guarantees in this life– other than it won’t last
forever. It’s hard to always have it all. If you find yourself pulled in two
directions, it’s time to re-evaluate your priorities. Ask yourself what’s really important to you now, and how you can weave it into your daily life. Sandy
had horrible back problems from job stress. A stint on disability was her breaking point; she decided to exercise on a daily basis. She now gets up earlier and swims before walking to work. Her energy level has so improved her co-workers say she looks younger! Perhaps for you it’s about learning something new—having some mental stimulation. So, postpone your next advanced Excel class and take that watercolor class you’ve always wanted to take. It’s amazing how creativity can change your perspective.

Scenario #3 – The work isn’t what it was cracked up to be.

Andrea always wanted to be an attorney. She excelled in her law classes and envisioned herself saving clients from the injustices of large corporations. When she took a position at a prestigious law firm, she never imagined herself working 90-hours a week and swimming in paperwork. In fact, her time actually working directly with clients was minimal. She had heavy school loans and debts and couldn’t foresee a way out.

Solution: If you’ve found yourself in this situation, ask yourself what aspects of the work you do really love. It’s tempting to throw the baby out with the bathwater, but spend some private time writing down those elements that
excited you earlier in your career. In Andrea’s case, she could possibly re-craft herself working for a legal assistance firm or asking her company if she could take on pro-bono work. She could also look at working for a smaller firm where she’d have more variety. If you really consider the essence underneath the position, it might lead you to start your own business. These days, that can be a very viable and profitable solution.

Whatever you do, don’t give up on that spark of insight that led you to your field of work in the beginning – it’s always there under the surface waiting to be resurrected!

The Lesson. If you’re feeling uncomfortable in what you’re
doing, don’t dismiss it—there’s a reason. Stop and reflect on what gives you the most satisfaction and makes you get out of the bed in the morning. Guaranteed, this planning will pay off in your future! And take one small step today to achieve that better place.