Career Crossroads

Have you seen the new Spielberg movie, ‘War Horse,’ yet?  In short, it’s the epic story of a courageous horse and a boy set against WWI.  There’s a scene right after Britainenters the War where the British cavalry are charging unsuspecting German troops in the French woods.  Typical of the British, they appear well-prepared in all their uniform finery with swords blazing charging at the enemy. The Germans are initially caught off guard and run into the woods where they pummel the Brits with a barrage of machine-gun fire.

In essence, the Brits are fighting a new war using old war strategies, tactics and weaponry. 

Unfortunately, this is the misguided approach many otherwise well-intentioned workers (employed and unemployed) are taking to manage their careers in today’s tumultuous work climate.  First, let’s take those who are currently seeking work. They draft and redraft their resumes, design their 30-second pitches, suit up and charge into battle with gusto.  Their gut may be telling them this isn’t correct, but they continue the charge because it’s what they know and have always done in the past.  In no time, the illusion of replacing what they had (security, seniority, benefits, status, etc.) evaporates and gives way to exhaustion.  I often hear them say ‘It’s like a war zone out there.’  Many will take something, anything, just to stop the emotional bleeding and escape the battlefield.  No surprise. 

Those who are employed are just as confounded and perplexed about maintaining or creating some sense of security.  The shrinking and ever-changing workforce within organizations has been relentless. Those survivors of reorganizations and downsizing are like the battlefield wounded, some barely clinging to life.  The work residue from corporate employee purging has made 60-to-80 hr+ work-weeks the norm for the survivors.  Economists have a term for this movement of people in and out of the workforce– job churn.  Picture those Pepto Bismol commercials, yuc! 

So, what can you do?  

1. Recognize the workforce is forever changed. There’s no amount of wishful thinking that will change this.  Companies are leaner and, yes, meaner.  They have to be to stay competitive.  No longer does security reside in a job or a company. How can there be when both are evolving and changing so rapidly.   It’s as though you started your career on a pony calmly trotting around the trail following the pony’s lead.  Now that pony has morphed into a bucking bronco and you’re holding the reins for dear life.  If you’re thrown off, you try to get back on.  Ask yourself, why would you want to do this to yourself?

 The key here is to focus dependence away from employers and onto you!  I’m not suggesting this is easy; it isn’t.  I know I’ve said it before, but you need to think of yourself as self-employed regardless of where your paycheck is coming from.   

2.  Learn how to manage your career as if it is a small business.  This means investing in courses, reading about or engaging in activities that focus on business development skills.  Think like a small business person does and match what you do best with the needs of the customer (employer).  This approach will always lead to more sustainable employment because you’ll not be continually riding that bronco but observing it.  In this way, you’ll be able to see more clearly how to best fit your skills and talents with the needs of your customer/employer.  You won’t be thinking of your career only when there is chaos, but all the time.  When clarifying his unique offering, Miguel, a client of mine, said that his co-worker thought he was the ‘best business owner’ he’d worked with.  That’s an incredibly powerful perspective to be seen by others in that light. 

3.  Know what you offer and be able to state it clearly and authentically.  This is critical and takes some focused self-evaluation – no shortcuts here, no jargonize. When you can authentically state the value you can deliver to solve a problem, whether for a current or potential employer, you put yourself in control and shine.  Don’t try to appease that horse!  This will help you stay focused, and in the end you’ll be able to demonstrate what is valuable for both parties.

See your work life like aHollywoodmovie production team.  They come together to work on one project, the movie, and when it’s over they move on.  They have built a reputable collection of work for different companies in different settings and times.  Their work might be called ‘contract’ but it doesn’t insinuate risk.  In fact, they have created more security, not less, as they have established collaborative partnerships which will sustain them. 

Although this might seem frightening at first, the outcome will definitely get you off that bucking bronco and give you what you want – a more controlled and secure future.  What have you got to lose?

 The Holiday season is really a special time for so many of us. And we get wrapped up in activities and busyness that takes our focus away from other important aspects of our lives like working on our career direction to ensure the New Year starts off positively. 

When talking to clients about their career decisions, I sometimes hear … “Well, I’m so darned busy, I can’t think of all that now,” or “No one’s doing anything now, so I’ll get in gear after the New Year.”  Granted, there is a lot of activity around this season, but try finding some time for reflection. If you don’t make that batch of chocolate pecan cookies, who’s really going to complain! I’m not counting kids here.

I came across an excerpt from a book by Bronnie Ware, a palliative care specialist, about the top 5 regrets people have when they are dying. Below is the most common regret …

“I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” 

There’s an old saying that life’s a banquet and most poor souls never make it past the salad bar!  It might be interesting to consider what your unfulfilled dreams are now while you’re still able to make choices rather than living others’ choices for you. There are many reasons why we make choices, but one significant reason is because we fear making the wrong decision.

Early influences from family and others can impact our choices, so much so that we never consider our own inner voice, our inner yearnings.  Take a few moments in the early morning or before going to bed to jot down some thoughts. What messages did you receive when you were young, either from family, relatives, or teachers. My mother always wanted to be a nurse, but the War derailed her plansShe thought early on I should be a nurse. “It was secure” she would tell me. Two weeks as a CandyStriper (hospital volunteer) was all I needed to convince me the nursing profession would be grateful I never applied. Whose dreams are you trying to live? Whose messages or voices are you following today. One of my clients said his financial security issues were a result of his mother’s obsession with never having enough. He grew up constantly focused on making ‘enough’ money. (No surprise, he never made what he considered was enough.) I asked if his mother ever became impoverished. He told me she lived well, but she died early of heart disease probably related to stress. We stay stuck when we make decisions based on others’ expectations of us.

Here’s a story to illustrate:

You’ve been given a life altering opportunity which will lead to happiness and success…..on one condition.  You must make it to a specific place and at a specific time. You leave in plenty of time. While crossing a bridge, you meet up with a stranger. After a short greeting, he asks you to hold one end of a rope. He holds the other end. You agree and wrap the rope around your arm at which point the stranger jumps. Stunned, you look over to see a deep gorge and the stranger suspended clinging to the rope.
You quickly tire and insist the man climb back up. The man refuses to make any moves shouting “My life is in your hands. I will not climb up, and if I die my death will be your fault.”  After a considerable amount of time, you become incredibly fatigued holding this rope and realize no one has come along to help. Once again, you beg the stranger to start climbing up. Still, the stranger makes no moves. You realize you can either stay indefinitely holding on to the rope or miss your life-altering opportunity. You again beg the stranger to climb up knowing you have given every opportunity to help save him. You lean over and say goodbye dropping the rope. You pick up your pack and continue on your journey.

Message:

Don’t get roped in. Don’t let others dictate what is best for you. It does take some courage and a tad bit of self-esteem to focus and act on what you truly want – not what others want for us. The correct choice is always a bit frightening, but also life altering!

Is your current position causing you to stay up at night wondering whether you should stay or leave? You worry about leaving but staying is driving you right up the wall! Let me tell you about my client, Connie …

When I asked how she ended up in a position she was totally unsuited for, Connie replied “It seemed like a good idea at the time.” Connie, an investment banker, started her career in banking because it paid well. Now she was on a fast track moving up. Yet, Connie was burned out and found herself working to the bone fearful of losing out to younger competition in her firm. Her personal life was almost non existent; she could barely remember the last time she and her husband had a meal together. She came to me asking “Should I stay or should I leave?”

Whether you find yourself in this predicament now or experienced this in your previous job, I’ve outlined some steps you should consider. Before you jump into action, a common response to frustration, think about how you got where you are in the first place. Taking a longer range perspective will save you from making the same mistake again.

Let’s take a look at possible situations. See if you recognize yourself …

Situation #1 – You defaulted into your work as a …teacher, librarian, sales person, engineer, etc.

Robert did well in school and good grades weren’t much of a challenge. So, he went to college and went on to get an advanced degree because, well, he had the grades. Actually, Robert was multi-talented and simply liked learning. Recruiters grabbed him up even before he completed his master’s program. Robert never took the time to consider what he wanted to do. He defaulted to what others thought he should do. Now he’s bored and unmotivated.

Solution: Taking a position because you know you can do the work is one way people get stuck. Working is more than using your aptitudes and skills. While they certainly are an important ingredient, they won’t make the whole enchilada. Start with what motivates you—what is it you really desire; what is it that gives you energy. That’s where the secret sauce lies. Ask yourself “If I had all the time in the world, what would I do?” You don’t have to come up with a new title (in fact, you don’t want to), just focus on the activities you’d be performing.

Situation #2 – Your work life is killing your personal life

Courtney works for a fast-growing engineering firm, pulls down a very cushy salary and looks forward to the day she can cash out her stock options. In the meantime, she works for an incompetent, insecure boss who makes her life a living hell. She’s given up her hobbies and rarely sees her friends. She’s neglected her health. Courtney has put her life on hold for the sake of a job. Granted, there are times when it makes sense to postpone you life for a little while. However, to continue for extensive periods can lead to disaster and despair.

Solution: There aren’t any guarantees in this life– other than it won’t last
forever. It’s hard to always have it all. If you find yourself pulled in two
directions, it’s time to re-evaluate your priorities. Ask yourself what’s really important to you now, and how you can weave it into your daily life. Sandy
had horrible back problems from job stress. A stint on disability was her breaking point; she decided to exercise on a daily basis. She now gets up earlier and swims before walking to work. Her energy level has so improved her co-workers say she looks younger! Perhaps for you it’s about learning something new—having some mental stimulation. So, postpone your next advanced Excel class and take that watercolor class you’ve always wanted to take. It’s amazing how creativity can change your perspective.

Scenario #3 – The work isn’t what it was cracked up to be.

Andrea always wanted to be an attorney. She excelled in her law classes and envisioned herself saving clients from the injustices of large corporations. When she took a position at a prestigious law firm, she never imagined herself working 90-hours a week and swimming in paperwork. In fact, her time actually working directly with clients was minimal. She had heavy school loans and debts and couldn’t foresee a way out.

Solution: If you’ve found yourself in this situation, ask yourself what aspects of the work you do really love. It’s tempting to throw the baby out with the bathwater, but spend some private time writing down those elements that
excited you earlier in your career. In Andrea’s case, she could possibly re-craft herself working for a legal assistance firm or asking her company if she could take on pro-bono work. She could also look at working for a smaller firm where she’d have more variety. If you really consider the essence underneath the position, it might lead you to start your own business. These days, that can be a very viable and profitable solution.

Whatever you do, don’t give up on that spark of insight that led you to your field of work in the beginning – it’s always there under the surface waiting to be resurrected!

The Lesson. If you’re feeling uncomfortable in what you’re
doing, don’t dismiss it—there’s a reason. Stop and reflect on what gives you the most satisfaction and makes you get out of the bed in the morning. Guaranteed, this planning will pay off in your future! And take one small step today to achieve that better place.

What was I thinking!  Years back, I took a position selling air freight services to businesses.  I had been through a layoff and was willing to take whatever I could get quickly.  I was calling on shipping and traffic managers  ­– the guys who worked in the warehouses surrounded by forklifts and naked ladies on wall calendars. It was fair to say I hated my job! I truly was not in the right environment; yet, I did nothing to improve my situation.  “Hey, a job’s a job” I told myself.  I wouldn’t allow myself to consider solutions to my dilemma and I viewed another job search as being way too stressful.

On one particular day I was running late for my last appointment with a prospective customer.  I hadn’t prepared and was going to rely on my ability to ‘wing it’.  I just wanted to get to the end of the day.  When I arrived I had to wait standing in the hallway for half an hour; I knew this was retribution for my tardiness.  When we started our meeting, he caustically blurted out “So, why should I buy from you?”  After a short while, I told him it was obvious he wasn’t going to buy from me and left.  I was fuming, to say the least, angry at both myself and the prospect.

While walking to my car, four young men in a parked car whistled, and one said “My, you’re looking mighty fine today.”  I burst into tears shocking us all!   I realized at that moment how my stress and anxiety was significantly impacting me.   In retrospect, my refusal to deal with stress colored my attitude, my decisions, and my ability to move forward.  My overwhelmed state was blinding me to other opportunities while a change to something new was what I desperately needed.

How are you handling the anxiety from your job or your job search?  Are you putting it on the back burner hoping the situation will resolve itself?  Are you reconciling yourself to your situation as I did?   Are you completely overwhelmed and don’t know how to get back to neutral.  The following are three suggestions to help you to climb out of that hole you’re in.

1.  Recognize your anxiety.  You can’t necessarily stop anxiety from showing up; but you can lessen its grip on you.   Simply the act of recognizing you are in fear’s hold will start to release the grip.   What you must do next is state out loud what it is you are experiencing; in other words, name it.  In my example, I was angry I had taken this position, and my anger was keeping me from either performing at my best or taking steps to move forward.  I could have said out loud, “I’m angry at my circumstance, and my anger is stopping me from focusing on a solution.”  When we state aloud what our anxiety is, we take away its power.

2.  Stay in the present.  When I hear clients say “I’m so overwhelmed and I can’t focus,” I know they are having difficulty staying in the present moment.  Oftentimes, we place too much focus on past mistakes or future disappointments, thus stopping the ability to be in the present.  If you think, “I’m going to be doing this day after day,” you’re exaggerating the awfulness of your situation.

Here’s a way to break the pattern.   Try this exercise from Dr. Neil Fiore.  Start a journal.  Choose three of your most stressful feelings.  Write down your biggest concern and visualize yourself in that situation.  Close your eyes and identify what’s happening to your body and mind.  Notice how you talk to yourself.  Don’t make any judgments. Just stay with the discomfort.  When you choose to stay with an anxiety you’ve been avoiding, your inborn flight-or-fight response will shut off.  You will feel calmer, have more energy and focus.  Try it!

3.   Make a daily ‘for me’ list.  There’s no way I’m suggesting that controlling anxiety is an easy two-step process.  It can linger, especially if you don’t claim it.  Taking time daily to take care of yourself will reap rewards well beyond what you might expect.  Write down activities that give you energy.  Here are some examples:  journal writing, meditation, laugh, exercise (you knew that one was coming), organize your space, or help someone else.   The idea is to create positive activities which will break the hold on your anxiety.

Whatever it is you do, just get started— positive action will start to promote a positive attitude.  We all know attitude is everything.   So, what are you waiting for!

Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous. You get knocked down by the traffic from both sides